Hell Is For Children
by Kuroi Inanis
Summary: After the events of "Hide and Seek", Melvin, Timmy and Teether are adopted to a loving family. But when a stranger comes back from a past Melvin doesn't remember, and the Titans become involved, can Raven protect those she loves; and, ultimately, herself?
1. Prologue

**Hell is for Children**

**Prologue**

Usual disclaimer shit: I do not own Teen Titans, nor do I own the title of this fanfiction. Those credits go to Warner Brothers /DC comics and Pat Benatar, respectively.

This will not be a story for the weak-hearted. Contained in both the prologue and later chapters will be sex, graphic physical, emotional and sexual violence, and non-sexual exploitation of a child (I'm not THAT sick, thanks for asking though). Therefore, I expect no flames or hate reviews, and any received will be promptly ignored.

If you haven't seen "Hide and Seek" from season five of Teen Titans, I suggest you do if you're going to read this story.

This story will be Raven/Beast Boy. Once again, if this is not your thing, turn back now.

***

"Melvin, for the last time, Bobby will be just fine outside! It's summer, and teddy bears do NOT get cold!"

"Do too!"

Jessica sighed and shook her head, fixing her foster daughter with a strained smile.

"How about this… he can stay in the garage, but that's it. Deal?"

Melvin smiled and nodded, all the worry that had danced on her young features dissipating in moments. At eight years old she was the oldest of the three children Jessica and her husband Jonathan had adopted, followed by Timmy at four and Skylar, who the other two referred to as Teether, at just over a year and learning to talk. They had tried for years to have a child of their own, giving up their hopes in their early thirties in exchange for the chance to adopt those who had no homes. At the orphanage they had fallen in love with the three at once, which was a stroke of luck because the facility had been given strict instructions that one was not to be adopted without the other two.

"Good. Now, it's getting late, and you need your sleep. Tomorrow will be a busy day for you and your brothers, and you need your sleep."

"Yes, Jessica."

The young woman smiled, brushing a strand of Melvin's golden hair from her face so she could look into those beautiful blue eyes.

"Good. I love you Melvin."

"Love you too, Jessica."

She pulled the covers up over Melvin and kissed her on the forehead, making sure the night light was on before she shut the lights off and pulled the door around.

"Bobby again, huh?"

Jessica smiled at her husband and nodded, making her way down the hall to the next door on the left, poking her head in to make sure the boys were still sound asleep in their beds. They were, Timmy clutching his blanket to his chest with his thumb stuck in his mouth while Skylar slept, his breathing deep and steady, in his crib.

"Of course. It's natural for a child her age that's grown up with children so much younger than herself to still have an imaginary friend to clutch onto. Just don't call him an imaginary friend to her face."

Jonathan laughed, a noise that even after ten years of marriage melted her heart and brought a smile to her face. He moved forward to wrap his arms around his wife, kissing her softly.

"The children are in bed… the night is still young… why don't you go downstairs and get that bottle of wine from the fridge? I'll set everything up in the bedroom.

She grinned and smiled playfully, kissing him again, deeper this time and with the promise of a passionate night behind it, before stepping away from him and making her way to the kitchen. Her husband was a handsome man; tall and filled out in all the right places, with skin that seemed to be naturally tan despite his English background. He was tall, several inches over six feet, with dark hair and baby blue eyes that never failed to give her weak knees whenever she looked into them a moment too long or a little too deep. With her dishwater blonde hair that came to the crest of her back, her deep green eyes, her thick build, and her five foot seven he easily towered over, she felt they made the perfect couple and complimented each other quite well.

Her footfalls were almost silent as she moved down the stairs and into the kitchen, her hand reaching out to pull open the refrigerator door. Behind the children's' juice boxes, Sippy cups and bottles she located the sparkling red wine Jonathan had picked up from the store a week prior, and she set it on the counter until she had retrieve two glasses from the cupboard. Excitement flooded her senses at the idea of the romantic night ahead, and she headed up the stairs to their bedroom.

"Here I come, Jonathan…" she called out quietly, pushing their bedroom door open with her shoulder. A moment later her eyes widened and the wine bottle and glasses fell from her hands, shattering into a million pieces at her feet and sending liquid in all directions across the hardwood floor.

There, in a puddle of his own blood, lay her husband face-down on their floor. His neck was bent at an odd angle and a single bullet hole decorated the center of his forehead.

"No… no no no nononono…"

Her moan of shocked agony sounded like barely a whimper to her own ears as she sank to her knees, unable to take her eyes off the sight of her husband as her hands came up to cup over her mouth and bile, thick and heavy, rose in her throat. Only the feeling of cold steel against the back of her head and the terrifying "click click" of a barrel sliding into place kept her from vomiting, and a cold numbness infected her blood and left her shivering as a voice whispered, cruelly;

"Your husband wasn't very helpful, Mrs. Ferrier. Let's see if maybe you can be of more assistance. "

"… what do you want?"

"The girl. That's all I require. Direct me to the oldest child and you can be spared the same fate that befell your husband."

"What do you want with my daughter?"

The urge to protect her child, despite the fact that Melvin was not actually her flesh and blood, brought about a rush of courage and a steadiness to her voice that did not falter even as he grabbed a fistful of her hair in his hand and shoved her face to the floor roughly.

"Did I tell you that you could ask me questions, bitch? It's none of your concern what I want with her. All you need to know is that I'm here to take her, and we can do this the hard way or the easy way. Whichever path you choose, I'm taking her."

He hauled her to her feet and repositioned the gun at her lower back, starting to force her to the door. Jessica stumbled before him clumsily, her mind working in overtime. Somehow, even at the sacrifice of her own life, she would make sure that Melvin would not be taken. If nothing else, she was sure of that.

***

Melvin was not sure what exactly it was that had awoken her. She had heard the shattering of glasses in Jessica and Jonathan's room down the hall, but something before that had brought her out of the lucid dreaming state she had been in, the state that comes moments before the decent into actual sleep.

"… Jessica?"

She had whispered her adopted mother's name, for some reason feeling that raising her voice would not be the right thing to do. The floor was cold on her bare feet as she slid out of bed and moved to her door, wrapping her small fingers around the edge of it before pulling it open slowly. Voices met her; Jessica, panicked and terrified, and an unknown person she had no memory of meeting but for some reason feared with every fiber of her being. It took her only moments to realize they were talking about her, and she licked her suddenly dry lips before creeping into the brightly-lit hallway and sliding silently along the wall. The sound of footsteps suddenly approaching from the bedroom stopped her dead in her tracks and her eyes darted around frantically, seeking a place to hide. The only place available was Timmy and Teether's room, and all intentions of being quiet were thrown to the wind as she dashed for the open door. At the last moment her foot became caught in the plush rug Jessica and Jonathan kept in the hallway and she screamed in shock, tumbling forward and landing face-first on the floor.

"MELVIN!"

Jessica's voice caused her to raise her head just in time to see the strange man shove her foster mother off to the side, almost down the stairs in fact, as he trained a gun directly at her head.

"You're coming with me, Melvin. It's time we took you home."

Melvin opened her mouth to speak, only to find her words had been stolen from her, and as she turned blindly to seek shelter in her room she heard the gun go off, a bullet whizzing inches from her head. Once against she screamed and stumbled on the carpet, dropping this time to her knees and tucking her arms around her head.

"I have orders to bring you in alive, but if need be, dead will work just fine if need be. Cooperate with me, and no one will be harmed."

"LEAVE HER ALONE!"

What transpired in the next few moments, moments that seemed to happen before she could even blink, would forever be burned in Melvin's mind. The gun fired once more, rapidly and without mercy, but the pain she expected did not come. She dared to look over her shoulder, and instantly regretted it. Jessica had thrown herself between her daughter and their attacker, her body twitching and convulsing violently as he riddled her body with bullets. Once pierced the bone of her skull, the flesh of her brain, and came out the other side to send fragments of gray matter and bone shards across Melvin's face. She shrieked in horror, eyes wide and body rigid in terror as Jessica dropped before her, landing on her back with her eyes open blankly and staring up at Melvin with a look of agony locked on her features. The young girl turned away from the sight, pulling at her hair roughly, locking her body into a protective ball as the screaming continued, a reflective action she no longer could control nor was aware of. The house suddenly rumbled roughly as Bobby, her imaginary friend who was in fact quite real, burst through the garage wall, rushed up the stairs, and attacked the man moments before he could reach Melvin. She could hear his screams as her own faded, as her knees tucked up to her chest and her chin rested between them, as her mind shut down and buried her somewhere deep within her subconscious where she could block out all that she had seen within just these few short minutes.

In this position, ten minutes too late, was where the neighbors, who had heard the commotion and could not ignore it, found her.

***

Halfway across the country, it was three minutes after four am when Raven's communicator broke through the silence of the night.

TBC


	2. Chapter 1

**Hell Is For Children**

**Chapter 01**

Usual disclaimers apply. To view them, please refer to the prologue.

I forgot to mention ages last time through… sorry about that!

Robin = 19

Beast Boy = 18 (slightly older than Raven)

Raven = 18

Starfire = appears 18 or 19 in human years

Cyborg = 20

I know I made Raven older than BB by almost a year when I wrote "She Will Be Loved". I changed my mind for this one. My story, tough shit.

***

'Fuck… fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!'

If Raven had a dollar for every time that word had gone through her mind in the last thirty minutes, she'd be one rich young woman. The call from child services of New York, New York had been brief and given her next to no information. Her children were in trouble.

HER children were in trouble.

FUCK.

It had taken her only a few minutes to rise and change from her usual leotard into a pair of sweats and a hoodie, and a few minutes more to throw the first few articles of clothing she could find into a duffle bag. She could worry about toiletries when she arrived; she was needed now.

When she had first listed herself as an emergency contact for Melvin, Timmy and Teether, she had never expected a call. It had been nice when they informed her that the children were adopted out to a good family who had always wanted children and had never been able to have any themselves, and it was even nicer that she had been paid surprise phone calls once every few weeks for updates on how they were adjusting, as well as pictures.

She had never expected this call, nor had she ever wanted this call. EVER.

But it had come. And now she had to go.

Her footfalls were light, almost silent, as she finished packing, checked to make sure she had proper ID, her communicator and her debit card in hand, and headed down the hallway through the silent tower towards the front door. She would leave them a note; let them know she was going to be gone for God only knew how long and that they didn't need to worry. It was a foolproof fan, and would ensure that she could handle this business on her own, as she had handled everything on her own to the best of her ability.

What she had not expected, though living with the team for several years should have taught her to expect, was for Robin to be awake and in the living room. He was the definition of insomniac (in fact, Raven was fairly sure that if she opened the dictionary and searched for 'insomniac', his picture would be next to it), and as she exited the tower's bedroom section and stepped into the dim lighting from the TV that cast long shadows across the room, he did not fail to notice her duffle bag slung over her shoulder, her change of clothes, and her disheveled appearance.

"Where are you going?"

Raven bit her lip, for a moment considering making this easy on herself and simply phasing through the floor to the outside, where he would be too late in following her out before she disappeared into the night. But she couldn't do that to him; she couldn't do that to her family.

"There's… an issue in New York concerning the kids. I have to go. I'm all they have."

Robin nodded his understanding, though the look of worry never left his face. Times had been kind to the boy wonder, and upon reaching eighteen his features were manlier, his voice much deeper, the definitions of his face well-defined and framed by the jet-black hair he was slowly but surely allowing to grow longer. She herself looked different now as well; it was almost two years after the events that had occurred with Trigon, and the passing of those years had shed from her the almost babyish look her own face had possessed and left in its place the features of a beautiful woman who resembled her late mother Arella. Her face had become ever so slightly elongated and her eyes were no longer so large and child-like, narrowing down to give her an all-around adult look. She had shed very little of her baby fat around her midline and hips, however, though she was by no means overweight or out of shape, and she now had curves that even a supermodel would be envious of, though Raven had never been one to find herself attractive (to the contrary, she still viewed herself as awkward looking and almost a little scary. It was a shame her skin tone had never changed and never would).

"I can understand that, Raven, but I don't feel comfortable with you going alone."

Raven should have known that this was going to come up. Robin worried about the safety of the team as much, if not more, as she did, though he was much better with verbalizing that fact.

"I don't know how long this will take. It could be days, weeks, or even months. You're already going to be down one Titan with me gone; two is far too risky."

"I'll be the one to make that call. We'll be fine with three. Starfire, Cyborg and I can handle the petty thefts and crimes we've been experiencing over the past six months. If we really need you two, we know how to reach you."

Wait… if Cyborg and Starfire would remain here with him, that meant that the one who would go with her would be…

"Robin, not Beast Boy. PLEASE, not him. I'll take Starfire and her 'mall of shopping' quirk over him."

Robin blinked and cocked his head in confusion.

"Why not BB? You two get along much better now than you ever did when we were younger. I'd say you two are pretty close, actually. Why don't you want him to go?"

Her face lit up in a bright blush and she suddenly couldn't meet her eyes as she dropped her head and began to pick at her nails. They both already knew the answer to that question, so why was he going to make her say it?

"… You know why, Robin…" she finally muttered softly.

"Look. Your… interest… in him is not important right now. I think that he'll be the best out of all of us to go with you. You talk to him and trust in him more than you do the rest of us. It would make me, and I know Starfire and Cyborg, feel more comfortable if you took him with you. Can you do that for your family? Please?"

He would pull that card. A resigned sigh escaped her lips and she nodded.

"Fine, wake him up. But YOU are going to be the one paying for his plane ticket. We both know he doesn't have the money to get it himself, and I'll be damned if I do."

"Deal."

***

It was too early. Plain and simple, it was just too early. Robin had practically pounded his door down, and when finally Beast Boy was able to drag himself out of bed to answer, he had been informed that he was to fly to New York with Raven. Right now. He had been given very little time to stretch, pack, change and pee before he was hustled out the door without so much as a cup of coffee. Raven had stayed silent the entire time he was getting ready, offering him a brief and almost cold apology once they were in the taxi and heading to Jump City International Airport. He was tired, confused, and had been given no answer to his endless questions as to why they were being sent to the Big Apple, and why it was so important that they go now. Only the knowledge that pushing Raven for answers would be a stupid idea kept him from pestering her, and so he opted instead for a cat nap in the taxi, transforming into a kitten before curling up in his seat and feeding off the body warmth his companion provided as he purred himself to sleep.

"We're here."

Raven's voice, soft and filled with a kindness she only ever truly saved for him, woke him and he returned to human form and took both their bags, following her inside in silence. He checked their luggage while she purchased their tickets, paying for hers with her card and his with cash before she handed him his boarding pass.

"How long before take-off?"

"Just shy of two hours."

"Do you think, once we get through security, that maybe we could get a cup of coffee and something to eat?"

His question was soft and hesitant, and she could tell instantly that he was doing his best to not get under her skin. He didn't have the slightest clue as to what was going on or why they were leaving at six in the morning, but he was giving her the benefit of the doubt and trusting her anyway, an admirable trait none of her other teammates would have exercised. She gave him a weak smile and nodded, touching his arm briefly.

"Sure. And I'll tell you about why we're here in the first place."

***

"Whoa… that's heavy."

If it weren't for the fact that this was such a serious situation, Raven would have allowed herself to laugh at Beast Boy's analogy of the story she had just spent the last forty minutes telling him. They had made it through security perhaps a little too quickly (being a Titan did have its perks) and, after obtaining bagels and cups of three-hour-old airport coffee, had taken up base at gate G9 in waiting for their plane to arrive. It was here, sitting on the floor under the large window that looked out over the runway, that Raven had explained everything to him; how she had grown so close to them a year ago while transporting them to the safety of the monks in the mountains, the heartbreak at putting them in an orphanage when she secretly wanted to take care of them herself, overpowering relief that all three had been taken in by a wonderful couple, and now the anguish and fear of what lay ahead in New York.

"Yeah."

"And no one could tell you ANYTHING?! At ALL?!"

Raven shook her head softly and took a small sip from her coffee, cringing as the bitter taste of burnt coffee beans touched the tip of her tongue. She had never been one for coffee, preferring tea considerably, but tea would not keep her awake for the duration of the long trip ahead and she, unadmittedly, was a little afraid to fall asleep. It wasn't due to the flying; if she could handle being in a plane with Cyborg as the pilot, she wasn't too concerned about a commercial airplane.

It was the nightmares she was ultimately terrified to face.

Raven had discovered long ago that anything weighing heavy on her mind would almost always produce the most terrifying of nightmares. The peace-loving monks of Azarath had concluded that her vivid dreams were a result of emotions she could not afford to express making themselves prominent, a way of her human psyche coping without triggering the violent, uncontrollable presence of the demon within her. They had created her mirror for her, a tool that allowed her to enter her own mind and confront her emotions directly before they gained enough power to cause any form of damage.

But she didn't have the mirror now. After Trigon's destruction she had made the difficult but ultimately beneficial decision to get rid of it, shattering it into a million tiny pieces amongst the ashes of her home, a last payment of respect to all who had raised her and loved her only to fall beneath her father's hand. She did not regret her choice, but having the mirror now would certainly make things much easier.

"Just that they were in trouble and I was the only emergency contact on file. They did assure me they're all alive and physically unharmed, but past that they were insistent that I meet with them in person for further information," she paused to take another sip of the bitter, straight black coffee cradled in her hands and sighed, leaning back against the wall and closing her eyes, "… what worries me is that they made sure to explain that they're all PHYSICALLY unharmed. There was no mention of their current mental states. And they did a damn good job dodging that question when I brought it up."

"I guess Titan influence only goes so far, huh?"

This time she did laugh, a quiet noise tinged with sadness.

"Yeah. Well, what do you expect? We're not above the law. I hesitate to even think that we ARE the law, because technically we're not."

"But you'd think…" he trailed off into a yawn, shrugging his shoulders and placing his arms behind his head before lying down on the floor on his back. Raven observed him out of the corner of her eye as they lapsed into a comfortable silence, looking him over head to toe slowly. He had grown taller in recent years, leaving her as, officially, the shortest member of the team. Adulthood had stripped him of his small, ropey frame and left him instead with broad, muscular shoulders that trailed down to athletic arms and complimented his fit form well. His face was no longer childish but rather had become just defined enough to label him a man while still possessing soft enough features to make him appear almost boyish. Many mistook Robin as older than he was and Beast Boy as younger in stark contrast. She was still the 'baby' and would always be that way, even if she was not viewed as such and Beast Boy only had three months on her, but as of late those three months had felt as though they were years. Everyone on the team had matured, become so much like adults. Even her green companion had become mature, making smarter decision and ceasing his need to always make a joke of himself in hopes of gaining any form of attention. Raven couldn't remember the last time he had teased her or gone out of his way to annoy her, come to think of it.

And she had not changed, at least in her own eyes. She had become more open, sure, but that had occurred right after her birthday, right after everything with her father happened and suddenly her soul was hers and hers alone. It was easier to blame the fact that she had always had to act like an adult, had never really had a chance at childhood like they had, but that was a cop-out excuse at best. In the end, she was simply too afraid to change who she was. What if they didn't like who she became?

… what if HE didn't like who she became?

_Delta Airlines flight 9648 to Denver International Airport with continuing service to John F. Kennedy International will now begin boarding. We ask that all Delta Skymile Customers, First Class, and those who require assistance board at this time. We will begin boarding coach starting with Zone One shortly. _

Raven blinked and looked up quickly, seeing that the sky was beginning to lighten as the sun began its ascent from behind the mountains towards the cloudless sky, and she rubbed her eyes before reaching out to shake Beast Boy's leg. He came awake with a snort, jerking into a sitting position and looking around quickly.

"… huh?"

Raven sighed and rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she stood and extended her hand down towards him. No matter how much like a man he had become, he still had those moments that reminded her of the Beast Boy she had first met and grown up with.

"They're boarding our flight. It's time to go."

***

"Are you afraid of flying?"

"Of course not. What would give you that idea?"

"Well, the fact that you're about to break the arm off your chair makes me wonder is all."

It was then that she noticed her fingers were wrapped tightly around the armrest, so tight that her knuckles were turning bone-white against her gray skin and her hand was starting to ache. She grumbled and forced herself to release it, resting her hands in her lap instead and making sure to avoid his lopsided grin.

"I was stretching…" she muttered lamely. It was a lie and they both knew it, but even after years of history, she couldn't bring herself to show weakness or fear to her teammates. Especially Beast Boy, which was hardest of all because he seemed to be the first one to catch her and couldn't help but point it out. She heard him chuckle next to her, but after several moments of her refusing to acknowledge him he let it drop and left her to focus on not showing just how frightened take off and landing made her.

"… you know… you can hold my hand, if it'll make you feel better…"

Against her will her head snapped around on her neck, her eyes focusing on him and her mouth tight-lipped. He was staring at her with an unreadable expression and almost instantly all traces of annoyance faded from her face, leaving confusion to take its place. Her gaze met his and she searched for any signs of teasing or mocking, any indication that he would judge her if she took him up on his offer. There was only kindness in response, at there had always been kindness in his eyes. In four years, that had never changed. She prayed it never would. Her shoulder shifted and for one moment her hand reached for his, slid painstakingly slowly from her lap and across the few feet between them that suddenly felt as though it were an abyss. The plane jerked suddenly and she dropped her head, immediately withdrawing her hand back into her lap.

"… thank you, but I'm fine. Really." She muttered, wishing that she had her cloak to hide in, wishing that she was able to control her expressions and her body language around him, something she had no problem with around everyone else, wishing most of all that she had the courage to say how she felt rather than hiding it within the silence she was so accustomed to.

"…okay."

Raven refused to believe that she had heard sadness in his tone. For a long time she had refused to allow herself to even hope that there was anything about him that spoke of a desire for something more than friendship out of her. She was not his type. She was not skinny, not outgoing, not friendly. Not blonde, or blue eyed…

Not Terra.

She shook her head roughly, banishing that thought before it had time to grow into anything more. This was the last thing that should be on her mind. Her kids were most important right now.

The plane rumbled beneath her, her chair seeming to suck her into itself as the large metal bird picked up speed and finally lifted from the ground, inclining sharply as it headed into the dawn and towards the east coast. Raven laid her head against her window and closed her eyes, hoping it would somehow ease the headache that was rapidly forming at the base of her neck and spreading through her skull. She needed sleep and she knew but, but she couldn't… she couldn't let this fear overcome her. But maybe… maybe if she just rested her eyes for a bit…

_She was cold… wherever she was, she was so cold that it seemed to seep past the barrier of her skin, down past muscles and sinew and even further than the bones to rest in the center of her soul. _

… maybe it would go away…

_There was crying all around her. Instantly she recognized it to be Melvin's; it surrounded her, rang in her ears, deep and heavy and tortured and oh God it was going to consume her, it was going to drive her insane…_

There was screaming.

_She was screaming._

It wouldn't stop.

_She couldn't stop._

"Raven?"

_Melvin was calling to her. She could hear her voice, hear the terror and hopelessness, hear the desperation for the only one who had ever been as close to a mother as anyone could be to save her._

"Raven?!"

_"She is not what she appear to be."_

_"…Melvin…"_

_"RAVEN, RUN!"_

_"…no…"_

"RAVEN!!"

With a heavy gasp that seemed to share her very frame she awoke, her eyes focusing after several moments on the back of the seat in front of her. Her face was sticky with tears, her arms wrapped around herself, her breathing shallow and rough as she drew breath after breath into her burning lungs.

"Raven… it's okay…"

She glanced to her right to see Beast Boy's face inches from her own, green eyes filled with worry as his hand rubbed soothing circles against her shoulder.

"…what…"

"It's okay… it's okay… come here…"

She yielded to the arms that reached out for her, laid her head against the strength of his chest, realizing she was trembling uncontrollably. It had been so real… so goddamned real that she was still cold, still freezing to death from the inside out.

"I know… I know…"

Exhaustion seized her; she still wanted to cry, but was somehow able to draw enough energy from somewhere to push back the lump in her throat, to force her breathing to even back out into a normal, calm pattern. But she was so tired…

Unable to fight him, or rationality, or sleep, she drifted down once more.

***

"We're here."

It was easy to come back up again, easy to accept that she had taken shelter from the storm churning inside her, because when she did return, it was in his arms.

"Okay."

He let her go, slowly, almost reluctantly, and she somehow couldn't look at him as they exited the plane and walked towards their next gate. She was groggy, and rubbed the lingering tears from her eyes, allowing him for once to lead her towards wherever they were meant to go from here.

"…how long was the flight?"

"Three hours. You were asleep through most of it."

And that was all the more they spoke of it. He left her briefly to retrieve food and water, which she took with a nod of thanks and was only able to pick at as she allowed herself to focus on her dream and what exactly it meant. Her brain rationalized that the boys were fine, that the reason for the call had been because of Melvin, but this did not ease her concerns. Rather they grew, frustration entering the mix at the realization that even though it was the oldest of three that she still had no clue exactly what the issue was.

Like a parent leading a child Beast Boy took her to their seats when their boarding number was called. She had not been listening. She had not been focusing on anything but what lay ahead.

It was easier to stay awake on this flight, so instead she spent the hours watching him sleep, observing him as he twitched and grunted in his sleep, wondering what he was dreaming about, wondering about everything she could but Melvin.

It didn't help.

***

TBC


	3. Chapter 2

**Hell is For Children**

**Chapter 02**

Disclaimer: Please see prologue for all disclaimers.

***

There was a man waiting for them when they stepped out into the cool summer air of New York City, a tall man who appeared to be about thirty and was dressed in a plain gray suit with shiny black shoes. What little hair he did have was spiked up, and in his hands he held a sign that proudly displayed "Raven Roth and Garfield Logan".

"Damn, Robin works fast…" Beast Boy muttered, frowning deeply a moment later, "and he KNOWS I hate my real name…"

"The feeling is more than nutural…" Raven replied quietly, mentally reminding herself to give Robin a swift kick in the ass when they returned. They stepped up the man and Raven smiled strainedly, reaching her hand out to shake his as he offered it.

"Raven. This is Beast Boy. It's nice to meet you."

"James Lucky. It's nice to meet you. If you'll follow me, I have a car waiting for us."

They followed in silence, Raven suddenly finding herself too afraid to ask the questions that had haunted her over the last few hours that felt like forever. Beast Boy sat in the back while she chose to take the front seat, calling Robin to let him know they had landed while her companion attempted to stay awake and James focused on the road.

"I was starting to get worried about you two. You land alright?"

Robin's face brought Raven some form of unspoken relief and strength she did not understand, and she smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. It was an uneventful ride."

She glanced behind her, where Beast Boy sat staring at her with his ears slightly perked up, and gave him a look that promised his soul would be hers on toast if he EVER told Robin about what had transpired on the flight. He nodded wordlessly and she turned back around, directing her attention to her communicator once more.

"I'll let you know when we've found a hotel to stay at and give you updates on the kids."

"Sounds like a plan. Can I talk to BB?"

She handed the small yellow device back to Beast Boy, directing her gaze out the window and at the passing buildings she did not know as he chatting with Robin in the back, first expressing his severe disdain for their leader at using their full, real names when he contacted the Child Services department. Robin made up some quick, lame excuse and Raven couldn't help but snicker as Beast Boy called him with a muttered "Bullshit". The voices coming from the back suddenly became quiet and she strained her ears to listen, only able to pick up half the conversation.

"Take… her… delicate… I'm trus… you."

"I will… promise."

The communicator went silent and Raven sighed softly as she accepted it back from Beast Boy, leaning her head against the window and watching the white line that seperated the road from the curbside parking go by. How dare Robin ask him to do that? More importantly, how dare he assume she was delicate? If anything, she was the strongest of them all, pushing through even when there was nothing to cling to for support.

'But you have Garfield here now. You can cling to him.'

It was a nice thought, but that was all it would ever be. A thought.

***

"Thank you so much for coming, the both of you. We really didn't want to bother you with this, but we had no choice; you are the only emergency contact we have, Ms. Roth."

"Raven."

"Yes, of course. If you'll just follow me, I can give you an update on the children."

No amount of willing herself to be steady worked as Raven followed the head of Child Services, a short, fat, balding man who had introduced himself as Victor and only Victor, her hands clenched into shaking fists at her sides as they moved deeper into the building, Beast Boy on her heels and James taking up the rear at a slow, calm pace. When finally they arrived in a small but comfortable office with a large wooden desk and only one guest chair, Victor invited her to sit and plopped down in the high-back chair behind his desk.

"As was explained to you before, all three children are in good physical health. The two boys are actually fine; they had nothing to do with the… incident. Melvin, on the other hand…"

Sweat seemed to magically appear against Raven's palms and she quickly relaxed her hands and wiped them against her pants, leaning forward subconsciously to listen more intently.

"… what happened?"

"According to the police report, the neighbores heard screaming from the house the children were living at. When the officers arrived, they came upon the dead bodies of Jessica and Jonathan Hanning. Jonathan had been shot once through the back of the head, execution style at point-blank range, in the bedroom. Jessica was in the hall, her body riddled with bullets and lying on the floor inches from Melvin. All we can assume is that she threw her body in front of Melvin's and sacraficed her own life for the child's. Melvin was covered in blood that was soon identified as her foster mother's, and the intruder was found mutilated down the stairs. The entire upstairs railing had been torn apart, almost as if a bulldozer broke through it. We're using dental records and DNA to identify the man right now."

She was going to be sick. With every word he had spoken Raven could feel her face becoming progressively paler, her fingers clenching her pant legs in iron-tight fists until the force of her grip sent tremors up her arms. Beast Boy's hand was on her upper arm, rubbing soothing circles, and she shook his touch off as gently as she could manage and swallowed the bile back down roughly, her voice weak as she finally found it again.

"… is she… is she alright? I mean… emotionally…"

"… we don't know. She's in a comatose state. She won't speak. She barely responds. Right now we have her at St. Valentine's hospital for children, in the psychiatric ward."

"And the boys?"

"Here with us. They're in one of the play rooms. Both slept through the entire ordeal. Apparently, the gun used had a silencer."

Thankfulness flooded her brains. They would have nothing to remember of this. Raven was even more thankful for Bobby, the imaginary teddy bear brought to life, that had ultimately saved Melvin's life.

"… may I see them?"

"Of course; I just ask that you calm down a bit before you do. They're confused now, not quite sure what's going on. The younger one has been crying out for Melvin, and the older has been asking for you."

"Come on, Raven… let's get some fresh air."

The word 'no' arose on her lips, but she knew it was for the best and that he was doing his best to help, which was ultimately what made her yield to him. He helped her to her feet and they exited out a side door into a courtyard decorated with a Koi fish pool and a few artifically planted trees.

"Sit down; you're looking a little shaky."

"You don't have to take care of me, you know."

He smiled strainedly, and she immediately felt bad for snapping off at him.

"I kinda promised Robin that I would, actually. Sorry, but I have to keep my promise."

"… I don't need it."

"I know. That doesn't matter. You would do the same for any of us if the roles were reversed."

"True. Sorry for snapping off at you."

He gave her that boyish smile she loved, though she would never admit that out loud, and took a seat at her left side.

"It's okay. You're under a lot of stress. It's natural to snap off at the person watching out for you."

There was a pause, and then his hand touched hers lightly. He had been touching her a lot as of late, but she found that it didn't bother her quite as much as it did when they were younger.

"I know accepting support is hard for you, but I want you to know that I'm always here for you, no matter what it is. Just please remember that."

He pulled away from her and she begged him in thought only to return to her, to touch her again and help her through this ordeal. But she couldn't vocalize it; she couldn't say how she felt. Not to him.

"I know. I appreciate it. You wouldn't have gotten yourself up so early and come with me if you didn't care about me, and about children you've never met before. That means more to me than I can ever express."

When had he grown up so much? She didn't know where that young boy she had grown up with had gone, but she liked the one that had taken his place. There was still enough of that youth left to balance him out, and for that she was both thankful and somehow jealous. She had never had that. She had been grown up the moment she was able to comprehend what she was and what she had been meant to become. It was thanks to her friends, her team, her family, that she had not.

They sat in silence for several minutes, until finally she felt composed enough to rise and turn to him.

"Let's go do this."

***

Seeing the boys first was easier for her. For the moment, all thoughts of Melvin went out the window when she stepped into that small room and saw them sitting together, playing with building blocks and for once getting along. The room was well decorated, a nursery with light green walls and a crib against the far wall and a small bed on the other side of the room. Involuntary tears burned at her eyes and blurred her vision as she dropped to her knees, putting her arms out.

"Timmy… Teether…"

They looked up at her simotaneously and immediately both were on their feet, Timmy rushing to her while Teether toddled behind him excitedly on stubby legs that barely supported his large frame.

"Raven!"

Her arms enclosed around the older boy and she clutched him to her chest, burying her face in his hair and attempting to control her silent sobs.

"Mommy!"

She reached out with one arm and scooped Teether into the embrace, unable to get a hold on herself and instead allowing the sobs to come in rough, heavy waves. He had never called her mommy before, and she didn't know if he actually understood the implications behind it, but regardless it touched her in ways she never thought it would. It felt right.

"Thank God… thank GOD you're both alright."

After a time she took them back to the blocks and way able to let them go, setting them down and reaching out to take a few of the small wooden items with letters and numbers painted on them into her hands. She was thankful for the alone time with them; James had escorted Beast Boy to the children's hospital she would be visiting later, offering him a volunteer job shape-shifting for the children in the cancer and lukemia ward.

She was unable to pull herself away from them until after they both became sleepy and she put them down for a nap, rocking Teether until he drifted off and then read Timmy a story until he followed his "brother" into dream land. Only then could she separate himself from them, slipping out into the long, empty hallway and wandering aimlessly until she located the front desk.

"I can't remember where Victor's office is. I'm ready to go to the hospital."

The lady looked up at her from her magazine with a bored expression on her face and sighed heavily, tapping her nails on the desk.

"Name?"

"Raven Roth."

She typed her name into the computer, using two delicate fingers, and Raven wondered with no humor just how this girl who couldn't be much older than she was had obtained a secretary job without being able to properly type.

"I'll call you a cab. You can wait over there."

One long finger, pink fingernail jutting out like a claw from an animal's paw, indicated to a couch and two recliners across the room. Raven didn't bother with thanking the woman and took a seat, secretly hoping that maybe it would be too late to see Melvin today and she could take time to recooperate and shower before tomorrow came. She was suddenly hungry, starving in fact, and wondered if there was any way the hospital would be kind enough to feed her before she did what was undoubtedly the hardest thing she had ever gone through in her short life. Even the idea of facing Trigon again, alone, did not scare her half as much as walking into a room where Melvin, HER child, would be unresponsive and comatose. Never before had she felt so helpless, so utterly out of control of her own life, and she blinked away sudden tears and picked up some trashy tabloid magazine off the table in hopes that maybe it would help her zone.

Just as before on the plane , when she was watching the man she knew she was falling in love with sleep peacefully at her side, it didn't help. She was wondering if anything ever would again.

***

TBC

Wow, I've never posted this much in such a short amount of time! Hopefully it'll keep up… if you all read and review, that is! *evil cackle* … *runs off to ignore homework and work on chapter THREE!

Hopefully, the chapters will get longer ^^;


	4. Chapter 3

**Hell is For Children**

**Chapter 03**

Usual disclaimer shit applies. Check prologue for it.

***

Once the taxi pulled up the to the Child Services Center and Raven was on her way, she spent the long ride staring blankly out the window at the buildings that passed her by without actually seeing them, her mind going over exactly what it was she was going to do when she arrived at the hospital and was standing before Melvin. She had always been one who had been in complete control of herself… and when she wasn't was when her entire world seemed disbalanced. It wasn't just a matter of frustration… it was a matter of emotional disbalance as a whole. Every aspect of how she felt was out of place, and it made focusing and meditation, as well as burying her feelings for a certain green shape-shifter, an infuriating impossibility. In the last twelve hours, he had seen her in ways she had never wanted ANYONE to see her, let alone him. He had seen her tired, vulnerable, and having a nightmare so intense it caused her to not only scream in her sleep, but break down and cry and seek shelter in his arms.

'It can't happen again… it just can't happen again. It was just a onetime thing. I just need to be even colder to him than usual, and it'll all blow over…'

Thinking about retaking control of that aspect of her life, if nothing else just yet, helped to calm her frayed nerves and by the time they pulled up to the hospital she was ready to do what needed to be done. The cab driver waved her away when she attempted to pay, explaining that the police had already taken care of her fare. She tipped him well and stepped through the automatic sliding doors of the main entrance, finding James and Beast Boy both waiting for her. At least the secretary could do SOMETHING right... remember her job well enough to call ahead.

"We meet again, Ms. Roth."

"Raven."

Beast Boy grinned at her from behind James' shoulder, where he could not been seen, and despite the grim mood of the day she wanted desperately to smile back. Instead she set him with a cold glare that immediately caused the smile to drop from his face and his eyes to the floor, and James turned and motioned for her to follow him.

"I can take you to Melvin now. Mr. Logan, if you'd like, you can return to the Children's Lukemia ward."

Beast Boy nodded without looking at either of them and turned away, casting Raven a forelone look before he put his hands in his pockets and heading down a hall opposite where James was facing. She closed her eyes, composing herself, forcing away the desire to reach out to him, to follow him and tell him she was sorry and she didn't mean it.

But it was best this way. It was.

And maybe, if she kept telling herself that, it would eventually feel true. She turned to James and gave him a weak smile.

"I'm ready whenever you are."

***

It felt as though they had been walking forever before they finally came to a heavy metal door with a small glass window, but maybe that was just because Raven's heart was beating a million miles a second and she suddenly felt as though someone had sucked all the oxygen from the room. Her confidence in doing this was suddenly gone, slipped away with the sweat that had began to pour in buckets from everywhere on her body when she suddenly realized that this was it; it was not a sick nightmare. It was real. Her child was suffering, and she had no clue how to make it better. It was freezing in the building, the A/C cranked up full blast to ward away the summer heat, but for some reason she felt as though she were roasting, as though someone had lit a fire in her stomach and it had spread through her veins, lighting every inch of her body on fire.

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Ms. Ro – Raven?"

She nodded and swallowed heavily, wincing at the the dryness she just now noticed at the back of her throat.

"... yeah. She needs her mo-- … she needs me."

He nodded, giving her what she could only assume was an awkward attempt at a comforting smile, and she returned it emptily as she passed him. It was only after the door shut behind her and the silence was smothering was she able to lift her eyes from her shoes to look for Melvin.

Curled up in a corner, facing away from her with her knees drawn up against her chest and her head dipped low, was her child. Her blonde hair had been taken out of the usual pigtails she wore it in and fell in a mess to her shoulders and covered her face from view, and her tiny body rocked itself back and forth rhythmatically in a reflexive action that she was in no way conscious she was doing. In fact, she seemed to be conscious of nothing at all.

It broke Raven's heart.

But she had to be strong. For the sake of Melvin, she could not cry, could not express any negative emotion. Who knew what would happen if she did? What if Melvin felt it? What if she absorbed it and it made her worse?

"…Melvin…"

She forced her legs to work, to move, and stepped across the room to bend at the child's side. The empathetic part of her mind opened up and she struggled to find something in Melvin, any kind of emotion that she might be feeling or thinking.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

How many times could a person's heart break in one day?

She was lost as to what she could do now. Agony had stolen her words, made her mouth dry as a desert, her mind shut down and feel only a cold, empty fear. What could possibly be done on her end to help this child?

Her child…

Something inside her was crumbling apart. And there were no tears she could shed. They were lost somewhere in the abyss of that numbing coldness.

So instead she reached out and lifted Melvin into her lap, settling herself in the corner that moments ago had been occupied. And she rocked her, slowly and lovingly, whispering soothing words into her hair, stroking those golden locks down, pushing every last ounce of positive energy she had left within her in every word she spoke and every move she made. Raven held one-sided conversations with her, told her that the boys and Bobby were fine, that Beast Boy had come with her and Melvin would love him and was welcome to meet him if she wanted, that Jump city was beautiful this time of year, and that, no matter what, she was never going to leave any of them alone again. She spoke of everything, of nothing, sometimes in English and sometimes in her native tongue of Azarathian, hoping for any kind of a change, for just a spark of emotion or recollection from the living, breathing corpse cradling against her chest.

When James and Beast Boy came to get her, she had been sitting with Melvin for almost six hours.

There had been no change.

***

"So do you wanna talk about it?"

"No."

To his fair credibility, Beast Boy had done the best he could to keep his mouth shut since they had left the children's hospital. The world had seemed cold and foreign to her once she left Melvin's room, and she had left the changeling to the job of collecting all needed information from James as they were standing outside waiting for their taxi to arrive. All she had managed was a cold, emotionless 'thank you' when they were informed that a hotel room near the hospital had been booked for them and their things had already been delivered there earlier. The ride had been silent, as silent as the room she had just come from had been, and she wasn't sure if that was better or worse. Right now, all she was focused on was gluing the pieces of her heart back together, making them somehow useful again so she could figure out where to go from here. It had amazed her how, in less than twenty-four hours, everything had change. She had tried to remember what she had been doing this time yesterday, how she had been feeling, but all that came up was an empty slate and the crippling realization that she was exhausted beyond all comprehension.

They were in the hotel room now, and she had just finished using the bathroom and had ventured into the small kitchenette that was no more than an offshoot of the living room when Beast Boy had finally spoken. It had been an innocent enough question, and one that was asked out of concern for her well-being and nothing more, but all she had wanted to do was snap off and pick a fight in response. She had never been one who liked confrontation, though she would not back down from it either, but initiating an argument with him would have at least given her some form of higher ground. It would have stabled her. It would have given her back some form of control, no matter how small it was.

It would have also been unforgivably cruel.

"Well… how about some food, then?"

The suggestion of food melted from her all of her annoyance, all of her unjustified spite and gave way to a hunger that she had not noticed until now but suddenly stabbed at her sides roughly. Her stomach growled loudly in reply, making the decision for her, and Beast Boy laughed quietly as he stood from where he lay reclined on the couch.

"I guess that's a yes. You might wanna grab a jacket, it's getting cold out. Night is falling."

Had she brought a jacket? She couldn't remember, but she nodded mutely and turned towards the small bedroom that she would be staying in and moved to her bag, beginning to go through it. This hotel room was really more like a small apartment, actually, and she was thankful for that; it had been a last minute booking, and she had not anticipated bringing another person with her. Having her own space was crucial if she was going to get through this. She rummaged through the few belongings she had brought, finally finding a thin, dark gray zip up hoodie at the bottom of her bag. It wasn't much, but it was never cold at night in Jump City and so she had naturally assumed that would be the case in New York.

He was waiting for her patiently by the front door, having donned a hoodie of his own, a dark green pullover that concealed the simple black shirt he had been wearing today and complimented his baggy skater-style jeans and trademark purple and black tennis shoes.

"Is that all you brought?"

A sharp glare was her reply as she grabbed the hotel key and her credit card off the counter, shoving both into the pant pocket at her left hip.

"I wasn't exactly thinking of the weather at four am."

Her tone suggested he drop the subject and he did just that, following her outside as she stepped past the threshold of the warm hotel room and into a cold city evening. She locked the door and jammed her hands deep into her hoodie pockets before lifting her head to look at him expectantly.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

Patience slipping… patience slipping… don't snap off…

"You suggested food. Where are we going?"

He blushed and gave her a lop-sided grin, scratching the back of his head bashfully.

"I… hadn't exactly gotten that far yet…"

Twitch. Oh, he was making it too easy. Far, FAR too easy.

"Well… what are we going to do, then, Beast Boy?"

"We could go downstairs and ask the front desk about any restaurants in the area… or eat here… I guess."

Oh, for FUCK'S SAKE…

"Good idea, Beast Boy. And just how long did it take you to come up with it? All day?"

The moment the spiteful words left her lips, she regretted them. There was a flash of pain across his features followed instantly by anger, which he immediately directed at her.

"What the Hell is wrong with you?! I understand you're going through a hard time, but stop taking it out on me! It's not my fault and I'm not here to make you miserable! I'm here to help! So don't treat me like I'm your enemy!"

Raven blushed and immediately dropped her eyes to her feet, watching her black boots scuffle against the hard concrete beneath her feet.

"… you're right. I'm sorry. I'm just tired, hungry and stressed."

Immediately the tension between them melted away and she didn't even have to look at him to know he was smiling. She lifted her head as she felt his arm wrap around her shoulders, and her mouth curved up in a weak smile in response to the boyish grin he was giving her.

"It's alright. Let's get some food in you, and then maybe we both can get some sleep."

***

"So… what exactly is your connection to the children, anyway? I mean, I know that you took care of them on the one mission, but…"

Under the warm, soothing lights of a local Mexican restaurant two blocks down the road from their hotel room, cup of herbal tea in hand, Raven was finally clear-headed and relaxed enough to feel that she had a bit more control over her life. Her earlier annoyance at Beast Boy suddenly seemed like it had happened years ago, and looking at him now, all she felt was a mix of regret that he had been dragged into this, admiration for his patience and blind dedication, and an unspoken affection and even love that would never be voiced or expressed. She took a long, slow sip from her tea and allowed the hot liquid to slide down her throat into her stomach, seeming to spread through every inch of her body to soothe her frayed nerves.

"I wish I knew. Other than that mission over a year ago, I have no connection to them. I had never met them before then, I know for a fact that there's no way we're related by blood… but somehow, for reasons I can't understand, I feel attached to them. Sometimes to the point to where I catch myself thinking of them as 'my children'. I don't understand it, but that's how it is. After everything with the Brotherhood of Evil went down and the monks I dropped the children off with contacted me to let me know that they needed a place to go, it was hard to make the decision to put them in an orphanage as opposed to just bringing them home with me. I've never had a maternal streak, or a desire to have a child, but I found myself wanting to take care of them myself regardless. I did require, however, that the three were to be adopted together no matter what and that if anything was to happen, I was to be their emergency contact. I don't regret being the one they called… I just wish this call had never come in the first place."

Raven pursed her lips and then began to chew on the lower one slowly, giving him time to think on all the information she had just dumped on him at once. She couldn't remember the last time she had spoken this much in one day, much less to Beast Boy, and she was fairly sure it was just as mind-blowing for him as it was shocking for her.

"So that's why we're here now?"

"Yeah, Beast Boy, that's why we're here now. Because I'm more attached then I ever thought I could be and I don't know why."

"Why you care doesn't matter. What does matter is what happens from here. What are you going to do?"

She sighed and glanced away from him, focusing her attention on a bright-pink, tacky sombrero hanging next to their booth on the wall as she whispered, softly,

"…I wish I knew."

Silence fell between them, something that seemed to be happening a lot lately, and she dared a glance at him out of her peripheral vision. He was staring at her, something she had not expected, and she couldn't help but shift her head to look at him full-on as their eyes met.

He should have been angry. Not at her, per say, but at the very least he should be upset that he was dragged into this and perhaps maybe at Robin for sending him halfway across the country without having the slightest clue what was going on. If it was Raven in his situation, she wouldn't have just been angry. She would have been pissed.

He should have been angry, but he wasn't. Instead, all she found in his eyes was compassion and understanding, supported by a blind faith in her and her decisions that rose a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes. She had done nothing but be mean to him since the moment they met all those years ago. She had blocked him out. She had shut him down. She had hurt him. And through all that, he had remained loyal and friendly to her. He had saved her life more than once. He had not judged her. He was still here, even after having a first-hand look into her head. When she had finally grown up and come back to him, wanting to form a friendship, he had let her in even if she had problems, to this day, doing the same for him.

And now, as she faced not knowing what was wrong with her child, not knowing how long they were going to be here, not even knowing if there was anything she could do to save Melvin, he was still here. Still waiting.

Faithfully.

It took every ounce of willpower she had to pull her eyes from his and look into her lap instead, sighing.

"… I'll figure it out."

It was a cop-out answer and she knew it, but it was all she had, and before he had a chance to reply the food arrived, and suddenly both were more than willing to drop the topic at hand. A comfortable silence settled between them as they both practically inhaled their first real meal in almost twenty-four hours, and as the ache of hunger receded the ache of exhaustion stepped up to take its place. By the time Raven finished her last bite and sat back in her seat Beast Boy was already half-asleep, his head rested next to his empty plate and a line of drool already starting to slide down his chin.

"Come on…" she muttered sleepily, kicking him lightly under the table to get his attention, "I'll pay and we'll go back to the hotel…"

It took more effort than she thought it would to stand, as suddenly her muscles felt as though they were made of lead, but finally she was able to rise and together they half-walked, half-stumbled together to the front desk to pay the bill.

***

The cool evening air did little to help wake Raven up, and by the time they made it 'home' she was struggling to keep her eyes open, fumbling with the key to the hotel room until finally Beast Boy helped her steady her hand and she was able to unlock the door and let them in. She couldn't remember the last time she was this tired, this unfocused, and she kicked her shoes off lazily at the door and dropped the key next to them on the floor as she began to stumble towards the bedroom.

"Goodnight. See you in the morning."

"Raven?"

His voice was soft and registered in her mind just as she reached the open bedroom doorway, and she gripped the siding for support as she turned to look at him over her shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"… you know I'm here for you, right?"

She licked her lips and glanced away from him for a moment, as though struggling to find the words she wanted to say, before returning her exhausted gaze to his.

"I know."

"Okay. I just wanted to make sure you knew."

He smiled at her, a lop-sided grin that showed off that one fang that was still longer than the other even after all these years, and she allowed one side of her mouth to lift slightly in a weak mimic of his expression.

"Thanks."

She was too tired to be bothered with changing her clothes or even plugging in her communicator to charge. The last of her cognitive thought went to setting the alarm for nine am, pushing her travel bag off the bed to the floor to make room, and then she collapsed atop the comforter and within moments she was asleep.

Tonight, there were no nightmares.

***

TBC


	5. Chapter 4

**Hell Is For Children**

**Chapter 04**

Usual disclaimer can be found in prologue.

***

"… what?"

"I'm sorry, Miss Roth, but this decision is out of my hands. We have a waiting list a mile long for the psychiatric ward of our hospital and Melvin's already been under our care for well over our usual allotted time without showing any obvious results of improvement."

This couldn't be happening. There was no possible way this could be happening. Raven and Beast Boy had been in New York for almost two months now, two months that had gone by in a blur of mixed emotions for the empathic young woman. She had spent every day of those eight weeks, from sun up to sun down, alternating her attentions between the boys and Melvin, who was making only minimal progress at best. Raven was finally able to pick up small traces of emotion emanating from the small girl, but they were faint at best and outwardly she seemed just as unresponsive as she had been the day of her admittance to the hospital. If Raven could have just a few more months of intense one-on-one care, she knew that eventually she could break through that shell and get Melvin back.

Apparently, the hospital didn't have the patience for that.

"How much time do I have?"

Her voice was sharp, her tone cold as ice, and she took a sick moment of satisfaction as the three men who sat before her all flinched in unison. When it came to sheer intimidation, being a human-demon hybrid definitely helped.

"How much time do you feel you need?"

"I feel, based on the changes I'm observing in Melvin during one-on-one care, that if I was given two more months, I could bring her back."

The spokesman of the three that sat before her, an older man with very little hair and wire-rimmed glasses, cleared his throat and shook his head.

"We can't spare that kind of time."

"Well then, how much time CAN you spare?"

She tried to keep the malice and hatred she felt building in her chest from showing in her tone, without much success, and the man flinched yet again before looking through a stack of papers sitting before him.

"We have clearance for one more week."

'That's not enough fucking time!' her mind screamed furiously, bringing to life for her the words she could not verbalize if she wanted to have any more time with Melvin at all.

"... fine. I'll take a week. And what happens if I can't bring her back before then?"

The room fell deadly silent and became thick with an oppressive tension as suddenly none of the three men could look her in the eye.

"Well?!"

"… she'll be relocated to a children's long term mental health facility in Washington D.C."

"And the boys? What of them?"

"Split up and placed in separate foster homes."

Raven wasn't sure which of the two statements infuriated her more; the idea of Melvin being locked away in some lonely room, forgotten and receiving only the most basic care for survival, or Timmy and Teether being taken from each other on top of all the trauma they were already suffering in losing their 'leader' and being placed in unfamiliar environments to basically fend for themselves. Teether was young enough that perhaps he would remember only bits and pieces if anything at all, but Timmy was a very delicate child and would retain those emotional scars for life.

"I see. Give me a week with Melvin. I'll find a way to bring her back. And I'll figure something out with the boys as well."

No one dared to object, and after a moment she bobbed her head once in a sign of dismissing herself and turned, exiting without another word and allowing the door to slam shut behind her.

***

'Calm down, don't lose control… losing your cool is going to do you absolutely no good at this point. You can't change their decisions, and breaking all the mirrors in this bathroom would be very, VERY expensive to replace…'

Attempting to mentally center herself was doing Raven absolutely no good. She was in the bathroom, where she had been for the past forty minutes, gripping the sides of one of the sinks with her head bent down as she fought against waves of nausea that brought along with them the almost overpowering urge to break something. She shouldn't have allowed herself to get so deep in… she should have just stayed detached, stayed cold, stayed on the sidelines and kept her nose out of their lives once they were adopted.

But she hadn't, and now it was way too late to even consider that option. She could no more abandon them than she could her teammates.

This one fact left her with a week to do the impossible.

Her stomach twisted violently and she groaned, pushing away from the sink and making a beeline for the nearest stall. There was a sharp pain in her legs as she collapsed to her knees, her body lurching forward roughly as she unloaded the contents of breakfast into the toilet bowl. Beneath her fingertips the porcelain was cold as ice and she gripped at it as though it was all that was grounding her to sanity. The involuntary tears that always come with vomiting ran down her face in heavy rivers and dripped off her chin, stinging her eyes and rising a lump in her throat that made throwing up all the more unbearable. She remained on the floor, head pressed against the toilet seat, eyes closed and chest heaving roughly, long after the sickness left her, until the sobs that wanted to come were once again at bay behind a cold, emotionless, angry, safe exterior. Only then did she rise and flush, exiting the stall and washing her mouth and face in the sink. There was much left to be done today, after all, and now time was even more of the essence than it had been before.

Raven couldn't help, however, the satisfaction it brought her to hear all the mirrors above the sinks shatter in unison behind her as she turned and exited the bathroom.

***

The moment Beast Boy saw her approaching him in the parking lot, where he stood waiting at their usual meeting spot, he knew she was in a very bad mood. It practically radiated off her, igniting the air with a negative, oppressive energy that made him feel decidedly uncomfortable. He also knew that bothering her about it would not be smart. But he had never been one to choose the smart road, especially when it came to her, so of course the moment she was within earshot he was compelled to open his mouth and say something.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Her answer was short, to the point, her voice snippy and laced with a warning for him to not speak further if he valued his life. When they were kids, that tone would stop him dead in his tracks no matter what he was doing and render him speechless in her presence for at least the rest of the day. If anyone were to ever ask him if he had been afraid of Raven in their younger years, he would definitely answer yes without feeling a shred of shame in doing so.

But he knew her now. He knew she was sensitive. He knew she was capable of giving so much love. He knew she was afraid. And now, in this moment, even if he had no clue why, he knew she was hurting.

"Talking about it will help."

"I don't care. I don't want to talk about it. Let it lie."

The explosion was there, festering just below the surface of her cold exterior. He could see it in her lavender eyes, which had never lost their wide, child-like appearance even through the years in which she had transitioned from girl to teenager to woman.

Rationality told him to let it go. It wasn't worth getting her upset, and all that would result out of it would be a huge fight, words that were said out of spite and anger that meant nothing, hurt feelings, and even more awkwardness between the two of them than already existed.

But he loved her. God help him, he had loved her all along, loved her from the moment he met her, and seeing her try desperately to hide her suffering dumped upon his shoulders the weight of suffering for her. He could not endure that in silence.

"Raven, please…"

"GOD DAMNIT, GARFIELD! Why the FUCK can't you just let it lie?!"

He had not expected such intensity or volume out of her, nor had he expected her to address him by his real name, and as a result he was rendered speechless and could only stare at her blankly as she whirled around to glare at him, her fists balled up at her sides and her entire body shaking in restrained fury. Only now, in this moment, could he truly see just how small she had become, how exhausted she looked, how two months had all but destroyed her.

"I swear to God, you are the world's biggest dumbass! You're a fucking nag, you never listen, and you act like you're still ten fucking years old! All you ever do is push, push, PUSH! Why can't you just leave me alone?! Why can't you just keep your green little nose out of everyone else's business?!"

All the concern he had felt for her suddenly vanished, only to be replaced by a fury of his own that clouded his judgment and stole from him any ability to remain calm or civil. He had pushed her and he knew it, but his concern for her happiness and well-being did not warrant being treated as though whatever was bothering her was his fault. She had snapped off at him often in the past two months, and while he had been able to allow her snide comments to roll off his back for the most part, the way she was treating him now was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Well, excuse me for giving a shit!" he snapped back, meeting her glare head-on and watching as for just a moment her expression changed to one of shock before immediately reverting back to anger, "I don't know what's got you so pissed off, but it's NOT my fault! Has it ever occurred to you, for even just a second, that I only push you because I CARE about you?!"

"I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO CARE!"

He opened his mouth to reply, only to be stopped by the yellow cab that pulled up to the curb beside them. They stared at each other for several moments in tense, fuming silence before he pulled the door open, perhaps a bit more harshly than needed, and indicated that she should get in.

"I can open my own door, thanks though," she snarled hatefully, circling around to the other side of the car without taking her eyes from him until she had opened the other back door and slid into the seat. He grumbled angrily under his breath but left it at that for the moment, sitting down next to her and slamming the door shut before buckling his safety belt. Raven gave the man directions and then crossed her arms over her chest, making it a point to ignore Beast Boy entirely as they made the ten-minute ride home in silence. The quiet did nothing to diffuse the tension between them, but rather made it worse as they arrived at the hotel and Raven practically leapt from the vehicle, storming off without bothering to shut her door or pay the driver.

"Raven! What the fuck?!" Beast Boy yelled after her. She threw him a dirty look over her shoulder in reply and he glared at her in return before fumbling in his back pocket for the twenty dollar bill he knew was there. He handed it to the driver, apologized for both their moods, and then shut Raven's door and rushed inside after her.

***

Beast Boy arrived upstairs just as the door to Raven's bedroom slammed shut, and he stormed across the small living room, foregoing the politeness of knocking as he threw his shoulder into the wooden barrier and sent it flying into the wall. She whirled around to look at him, her anger melting into astonishment as he approached her and placed his face inches from hers.

"Of course no one ASKED me to care…" he hissed, following her as she instinctively took two steps back to attempt to place distance between them, "no one had to. I care because I want to."

"Well, STOP caring! Did it ever occur to you, for just one second, that maybe I don't WANT you to care?! That maybe I don't want you here?! Go home, Beast Boy! Go back to Jump City where you belong, and leave me the Hell alone!"

They were screaming at the top of their lungs now, each daring to step closer to the other with every word that was said, an unspoken dare on each person's part for the other to back down and give up the fight. Despite the pain fighting with her put him in, at the same time it also made Beast Boy feel strangely alive. For the first time in all the years they had known each other, she was communicating with him with all of her walls down.

"NO! Absolutely not! I'm not leaving you in one of the largest cities in the country to face something like this alone! Like it or not, you're stuck with me!"

"THE HELL I AM! One call to Robin will change all of that! I'll have your ass on the first flight out!"

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, RAVEN! WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A BITCH?!"

She opened her mouth to reply, but he didn't give her the chance to. He wasn't sure what exactly had snapped within him, but he was done listening to what she had to say.

"All you've done for WEEKS now is be a total bitch to me! It seems like no matter what I do, something sets you off! You treat me like I'm here to make things harder on you than they already are! Why don't you stop trying to push me away and let me in instead?! Let me be the friend that I want to be and that you need!"

"I don't NEED --"

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT DONE TALKING!"

She jumped back as though he had struck her, though her face reflected no fear, and he once again compensated for her movement by taking a large step forward to place them face-to-face once more.

"I'm sick of taking your shit. I'm sick of being your emotional punching bag. But you know what I'm sick of more than anything else?" he paused to lick his lips, and she was smart enough to give no verbal reply but rather a slow shake of her head, "I'm sick of watching you fall apart. I'm so fucking sick of watching you suffer alone when I'm right here with you. Have you LOOKED in the mirror lately?! Have you seen how much weight you've lost?! You look HORRIBLE! This is part of the reason why Robin sent me with you! You can't take care of yourself when you're this stressed! It happened when everything went down with your dad, and it's happening now!"

Silence fell over them once Beast Boy finished and he looked to Raven, whose face had gone strangely blank and emotionless. They stared each other done for several moments before she stepped forward, placing them chest-to-chest and lifting her head to meet his eyes directly.

"Are you done now, Beast Boy?"

Her voice was ice-cold and dripping with venom, and he nodded wordlessly as he mentally prepared himself for the retaliation that was coming. He had worn her down – it was obvious in her sudden change in attitude. This was her last wall, her last line of defense. He had to be ready to take it on.

"Good. Let me explain something to you. I don't need you. And not only do I not need you, I don't need ANYONE. You don't understand me, you don't know me, and you never will. So, I suggest that you start packing your things, because I'm going to go call Robin, and you're going to be on the next flight out back to Jump City. Now, I know that sometimes you seem to have issues with understanding basic concepts, so I just want to make sure there's no confusion. You're leaving. I don't want you here. Do you understand?"

The urge to hit her was nearly overwhelming, if for no reason other than to see some form of expression in her eyes other than smugness and superiority, even though she was not smiling as most would be. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides and he settled instead for reaching up and grabbing her shoulders, shoving her against the wall she had somehow backed herself up against. She cried out, more in shock than in pain, her violet orbs wide in disbelief as he whispered, his voice shaking and his tone feral,

"I never implied that you needed me. I said that I'm here because I want to be, and because I know you want me here even if you won't admit it. You don't treat the people who love you like this, Raven."

"Get off me."

"No. Not until you stop being such a right-royal bitch and apologize. I don't have to take your shit."

"I said get off!"

Her voice was slightly panicked now, though she refused to let that be seen in her eyes, and he tightened his hold on her and pinned her securely against the wall, holding her steady despite her struggles that grew more intense with every passing moment.

"And I said NO. I care about you. I love you. I've loved you all along. And I'm going to prove that to you."

And before either one of them could fully comprehend what he was doing, Beast Boy had closed the short distance between them and was kissing her.

Immediately Raven's struggles intensified as she made shocked noises of panic that were muffled against his lips, and as she brought her right fist up to strike him he released her shoulder and grabbed her wrist, pinning it against the wall. She attempted the same move with her left fist and it joined its partner, restrained above her head, and once she realized she was completely immobilized, he felt her body go rigid against his.

'She's gonna kill me… oh Christ, she's gonna KILL me…' Beast Boy thought frantically, though somehow he couldn't bring himself to pull away from her or release her from the vice-like grip he was holding her in. Only when his brain began to become fuzzy, realizing that the act of breathing had been temporarily halted, did he break himself from her and pull back.

"… Raven… I…"

"NO!"

Her cry was explosive, but what she did next was not what he had expected. Both her wrists broke away from his grip, but rather than hitting him as he figured she would, she instead threw herself into him, wrapped her arms around his neck, and reconnected their lips with an intensity that screamed of desperation and desire. That fuzziness returned full-force and he did not try to fight it, following sheer instinct instead and moving to cradle her at the small of her back and the nape of her neck. Her fingers slid into his hair and played at his scalp as her back arched inward, pressing her supple breasts and smooth, strong stomach against his torso. They were both moaning, both gasping, both rapidly becoming slick with sweat as their mouths danced fervently and their tongues played for dominance.

It was only when she felt the soft comforter at her back that Raven realized that they had traveled to the bed, though she had no recollection of being moved and Beast Boy had only a distant memory of picking her up and transporting her there. His mouth broke from hers and forged a trail down her jaw line and over the smooth plain of her neck, and as his fingers worked deftly at the buttons of her blouse she slipped her hands under his shirt, dragged her nails down his back, and whispered against his ear, breathlessly,

"…please, Garfield…"

The cool evening air was invigorating against the exposed skin of her shoulders and stomach as suddenly the soft fabric of her blouse was pushed away from her body, and her mind had no time to contemplate how he had managed to undo her shirt so quickly before his palms were pressed against the small of her back and his mouth was moving steadily lower, forging a hot path over her collarbone and down towards the crest of her breasts and dear God she was going to drown in him.

And she hoped, if she did, that she never came back up for air.

Things were moving so fast, too fast for her muddled mind to take it all in, but even as she found that he had undone her bra at the back and had pushed the cups up over her breasts to expose them that she was not embarrassed or ashamed, but rather suddenly shy as his eyes roamed over her, taking her in. She wanted to ask him if he liked what he saw, which was odd because she had never been one to look for anyone's approval, for anything, but it seemed that she had time only to blink before he was laying over her, one hand rolling her left breast against his palm, the other working at the button of her pants, his mouth warm and erotic as it closed over her erect right nipple, the flicking of his tongue against the sensitive nub sending shockwaves down her back. Her hands shifted, sliding out from under his shirt and up his back to push her fingers into his hair, and she clenched the soft strands in her fists, arching her back to press her body into his.

"Touch me… touch me touch me touch me please touch me…"

And then, suddenly, he WAS touching her. The buttons of her slacks were undone and his hand had slid between her underwear and her body and his fingers were touching her, softly exploring the wet folds. She moaned loudly, a noise born deep in her throat, a noise that escalated into a scream of pleasure as he pushed even further, past those folds, and suddenly his fingers were inside her.

"Oh Azar, oh God… oh God oh God…"

Raven struggled to find cognitive thought, rationality, not so much because she wanted to object (because, dear Azar, that was the LAST thing she wanted to do), but more so because she felt that she was missing so much in her half-coherent state, and that she was giving him nothing in return for all he was giving her. She wanted to say something to him, say anything to him, but she couldn't break her focus from the pleasurable sensation between her legs long enough to form an even semi-intelligent sentence. Her legs and hips were shaking, her body damp with sweat, and the fire inside her stomach was growing, it was becoming an inferno that was creeping down her legs and up her torso and at any moment it was going to explode…

She groaned loudly in protest when his fingers suddenly left her and the heat spreading through her veins was halted, but as he began to kiss his way slowly down her body, his hands hooking under the waist of her slacks and the band of her underwear, she somehow realized what he was going for and obediently lifted her hips to assist him in shimmying her clothes down her legs. They were tossed aside haphazardly to find a new home on the floor, and Raven felt her butt and lower back lift from the bed and her knees settle on his shoulders moments before the heat of his mouth touched her at her core at the fire began to move once more. Sharp cries of ecstasy escaped her lips as her fingers twisted the sheets up in firm fists, her body writhing and thrashing almost violently as his tongue pushed in and out of her and his hands firmly palmed her buttock. The trembling in her thighs had returned, stronger now than before, her blood turned to liquid fire that rushed through every inch of her being and set every nerve alight simultaneously.

"Please… please please please… Garfield, PLEASE…"

Her voice was sharp, high, breathless, and in reply to her desperate begging he pressed himself closer to her, delving his tongue deeper inside her and with such intensity that it would be uncomfortable if it was not so pleasurable that it drown out any pain. The world began to spin and Raven closed her eyes against it, feeling the heat that had started in her stomach finally consume her body entirely, rising a deep blush to her usually-pale face and making every inch of her skin hyper-sensitive to the touch. It was so close… it was so close she could almost taste it, could almost feel it, would have sworn she could reach out and make physical contact with it if she was able to find the words to express such a thing.

And then, suddenly… something shifted. She wasn't sure if it was him, or her, or if her body suddenly gave way as she had been begging it would for what felt like hours now, but the heat rushed back down into her stomach, leaving her limbs feeling like they were coated in a cold sweat, and then within her there was an explosion. Liquid ecstasy shot through her veins and fireworks exploded behind her eyelids as every muscle within her tensed and released in unison, a pattern that occurred repetitiously until the scream of euphoric joy that rushed past her parted lips died off and she collapsed against the sheets. She was trembling, gasping for air, and the sound of oxygen being dragged roughly into her lungs was harsh and coarse in her ears. His face appeared above her, his arms engulfed her, and she gave him a weak but sincere smile as he kissed at her cheeks and eyelids and stroked his hands soothingly over her back. She was half-aware, half-coherent, but was responsive enough to be able to help him shift her into a sitting position in his lap. Fleetingly her mind wondered when he had undressed himself, but her curiousness faded quickly as he assisted her out of her unbuttoned shirt and unhooked bra.

There was no discomfort when he entered her. She wasn't sure if that was because she was already so ready for him, and her muscles were so weakened that she wasn't sure if she could tense them even if she wanted to, but whatever the reason, there was only a slight stretching within her and a warmth that filled her and made her feel whole. Even the breaking of her hymen on his first thrust was only mildly painful at best, a light burning that faded as quickly as it had come once they found rhythm against each other. The heat returned, more intense than it had been before, and her body found energy she didn't realize it had as they made love, as she clutched herself against him, screamed into his chest, met him thrust for thrust. When her body gave way for him once more, it was a different sensation than the first one had been, but by no means less pleasurable.

"Shh… Raven, it's okay… it's okay…"

He was kissing her cheeks and eyelids again, and as she came down from the euphoric high and rationality returned, she realized that she was sobbing, drawing in deep breaths of air that rocked her entire frame. When had she started crying? She wasn't sure, but now that she was aware of it, she found she couldn't stop. She found she didn't want to stop.

"My… my… my kids… they… they're taking…"

Full sentences were something she could not produce right now, but Beast Boy didn't need her to spell it out for him to understand what had made her so upset earlier. He clutched her closer, rubbing soothing circles on her back, as he eased them both down against the pillows and withdrew himself from within her.

"I won't let that happen…" he whispered into her hair, kissing her forehead tenderly, "I'll figure something out… you won't lose the kids."

"I… I'm sorry… don't… don't go… I didn't mean… I was a bitch… I…"

Whether her struggle for words was a product of her near-hysterical sobbing or a growing frustration with herself, he couldn't tell, but he pressed two fingers against her lips to stop her.

"I know. I know you didn't mean it. I'm sorry for what I said too."

It seemed as though there was more she wanted to say, but the weeping seemed to overtake everything else and she pressed herself into him, her small hands clutching at his shoulders as she soaked the hair that covered his chest with hot, bitter, salty tears. He held her possessively, cooing broken sentences into her ear, words that had no meaning but held significance to her and somehow managed to sooth her broken psyche back into some form of working order. The sobs tapered down into sniffles, the sniffles into hiccups, and finally the hiccups into the deep, even respirations of an exhaustion-induced sleep.

It was only after the death-grip she had on his shoulders relaxed that he dared to move, shifting away from her and rising to make sure the front door was locked and all the lights shut off. He stopped in the kitchenette that was really just a refrigerator, stove and microwave taking up space in a small dining room area to get a glass of water from the jug in the fridge, leaning against the counter and staring out the small window at the traffic that still zoomed around in the middle of a New York night. The clock on the microwave displayed a bold 1:32 am, much later than he thought it was, and he realized with a deep yawn that rumbled in his chest that he was exhausted after several hours of fighting, making love, and soothing away her tears that seemed as though they would last forever.

How would she act towards him in the morning? If there was one thing about Raven that hadn't changed in the slightest after all the years they had known each other, it was that her reactions to situations were impossible to read or understand. It was endearing, if not extremely frustrating, and something that he knew he was too worn out to worry about right now. When daylight came and they were both awake was when he would know.

He stopped off in the bathroom before returning to her side, and long after he had slid back in next to her and covered them both with the sheets he stared at her, memorizing the contours of her beautiful face; the sharp line of her jawbone made fuzzy by the pale moon light that came in through the window, the high rise of her cheekbones, the length of her lashes that fell across the small bags she had always had just under her eyes. She really was amazing, in every way, shape and form possible. His fingers played with her hair, his arms opening to embrace her as she rolled into him to press her face against his shoulder, and he kissed her forehead and whispered confessions he did not have the courage to admit to her in the waking hours until exhaustion gripped him entirely and he drifted down into a deep, dreamless slumber.

***

TBC

Author's notes: the sex scene in this chapter took me forever and a fucking day to finally finish. I've written it out by hand many times before, but was honestly really displeased with the way previous attempts had come out. I hope that this version is as fun to read as it was to write. It should be mentioned that a lot of the details towards the end were cut out on purpose, for several reasons. Mostly, I don't want to shit their pants on me and delete my story because of the whole "no sex rule" (this is why parents need to actually MONITOR their children. I shouldn't have to curb my creativity because you can't handle your child, asshole). Secondly, because it is primarily written from Raven's point of view, I wanted to show just how muddled and fuzzy her perception was. I hope I achieved that goal.

Chapter Five up as soon as midterms are over! And as always, thank you SO MUCH to everyone who takes the time to read and review!


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